Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I regret being responsible.

(I'm back from my cruise- I'll be posting way too detailed accounts of it soon...once Kevin gets pictures processed)

Today, I am sitting here at work and I regret it. Not that I regret my job, I really like my job, I just regret that I am here today. It's always hard to come back from a vacation, an extended time away from work is just a nice thing and that first day back is always a hard one, but today it's not because of the work.

I had a bit of a nervous breakdown on the plane yesterday. Some of you might know that I deal with severe homesickness from time to time. I don't have a ton of close friends in Iowa and the friends who were my close friends seem just further and further from me. Well, yesterday my best friend from childhood had her first baby- she lives in the DFW area. Although I got the news while I was in Fort Lauderdale still, I got the first picture of the new baby while I was sitting in DFW. And the gate agents were asking for a volunteer to leave the flight and take one today instead. I so wished I could have done that. I even asked Kevin if we could. But Elsa (our dog) had already been dropped off at our house, and we needed to get home to her (plus, you know, work). I got on the plane and cried. More than anything, I just wanted to stay in Dallas and see Sarah.

It hasn't gotten better today. Now I know that it will be six months or a year before I get to go back to Texas. I'll never see Sarah's first child as a young baby. Just like I wasn't able to see Courtney's twins as young babies either. I hate living so far away, and I hate that being responsible means I miss these moments that never happen again.

The hardest thing about this is the world tried to hand me an opportunity to be able to see my sister, my nephews, and probably visit Sarah in the hospital. But I didn't take it. That's going to be a big regret.


SuzyQ01 said...

Oh, I'm sorry you had to miss that. I understand being so far away from friends and family, and there's little I can say to make it any better...but I could drive over there and give you a hug!

The Asker said...

This is a sad story. I hope that another opportunity comes up, but life isn't always nice like there.

Here's a ~hug~